mikamw710

the end

This past year has been s.thing. Filled w/ pleasure & pain. This has been a year I can really say I WILL NEVER FORGET. People have walked n & out of my life l8ly. Its hard 2 believe so much happend n such a short time. I really h8 th@ some of its over but I am glad th@ some of it is finally done. I h8 th@ just as quick as s.1 comes n u'r life they can b gone just as quick. It seems Brian came n 2 my life w/o me even noticing. But also I never saw the end comein' & it slaped me right n the face. God that really hurt. I have lost friends this year th@ I will proly never get <. They know who they r no need 2 name names. But I have gaind friends th@ I am so happy th@ I have them. I think I can say the pleasure & pain is = tho. Brian brought alot of joy 2 my life. I never knew I could b so happy. He showed me th@ m/b I am worth caring about. But then when we brock ^ it left me feeling empty & stupid. It made me feel like I am ment 2 b alone. Left me w/ more questions then I had answers. I still dont understaind th@ whole thing & I proly never will. It was the first time I gave me heart away. It was the first time that I felt s.1 might not hurt me. It was the first heartbreak I have ever had 2 expearance th@ could have just as easily could not have happend. But I am sure glad th@ it did cuz I would have missed alot. But now I know that I still have 2 gard my heart. Just not as tight as I had b4.

The whole Billy thing still confusses me. I dont understaind th@ @ all. I went threw alot just 2 get hurt. I reached out 2 s.one only 2 get run over & hurt. But th@s ok cuz I have learned so much from th@. A lession I will never 4get & pray th@ when I have kids they dont have 2 learn th@ lession.

My friend Amanda moved < 2 TX. The 1 person who has always been there 4 me no matter what I was goin' threw r needed. I thought I lost her 4ever. I am glad she is < . I really missed her.

I have smiled more this year then I think I have n my whole life. So much joy was brought n2 my life. So many blessings were given 2 me. I am glad th@ they happend. Some of the things I cant help but 2 look < @ & smile. But some of the things th@ then made me smile now brings alot of pain. I have shed more tears this year then I have n my whole life. But IDK things just happen. U cant help but cry when they happen. As bad as u want 2 smile u just cant. Its just not as easy 2 do as u thought. I learned 2 cover ^ pain & act like its all ok.

The only thing I really dont get is y God brings ppl n u'r life 2 just take them out. Like Brian...But more resontly 2night. My youth paster is leaving. I dont understain y. I really like them. There awsome wonderful ppl. They have thought me alot. I am fild w/ so many emotions. Sadness b/c their leaving & their wonderful ppl. Ppl I really looked ^ 2. Anger b/c there leavin' & I dont understaind y. They're just leaving our youth group. & it makes me so angry th@ I feel bad about it. I never even emagined this would happen. I will miss them so much. I learned alot the year th@ I have been w/ this church. The hardest year of my life was the first year I went 2 this church. I proly wouldnt have made it threw if I didnt have such a wonderful church & youth group.

I dont think I will b writting n this n-e more. I dont really need it n-e more. I know th@ I will have alot more heartbreaks & joys. I shared alot n this diaryland. The last 3 years. I dont need it tho. If I need 2 talk 2 s.one I know how w/o this now. I have friends I know I can talk 2 n-e time. When I started this I had no one & need a way 2 reslease it all. I look < 2 this thing & it makes me cry, smile, laph, scream, yell. It makes me happy, angry, sad, confussed, understainding. Thinks 2 all the ppl who have been there 4 me over the years & most importintly this year. Yall r the best. I know right now I am goin' threw alot of pain but I also know 1 day it will go away & I will b happy again. I know I will fall n love again. Proly more then 1 more time. But IDK. I know th@ I have lived threw all the pain. I also know theres alot more th@s comin' my way but I know where 2 find my friends now. I learned th@ threw this diary. Think u diaryland.

Thinks 4 reading my diary all the times th@ u have. Thinks 4 reading it this last time 2. I love all of yall. I will b checking my g-book a few more times. So yall leave me love. Tell me if u think Th@ I should quite writtin' n here r not.

I g2g 4 now.

I love u.

♥ m.wilson

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