well um...okay so....friday at school i was sitting around and flirting with justin cuz its just fun. then shandy said "i know why brian brock up with you he told me." i said "really what what did i do?" she goes "your doing it now" i was like "what?" she said "your flirt way to much is what he said and thats why he hasnt asked you back out" i said "while we were going out i flirted" and she said "yeah" i just couldnt remeber when flirted with a guy that wasnt brian. so i asked some people and they said that i did i was like omg i must be the worst girlfriend in the whole world. i didnt even notice. i just wish that he would have talked to me. i dont even know if that really is the reson why he brock up with me. i dont know if i can even trust shandy. i mean everyone said she brock us up or whatever. i dont know if she did. if she did it would proly be and easier chance of gitting him back then if she didnt. all i know is i really dont like her right now.

i am so sick of being lied to. thats all anyone ever does to me is lie. my best friend looks me in the eye and lies to me. dont i deserve to know the truth. me out of all the people in this world should know the TRUTH on why brian brock up with me. not some made up shit that will make me feel better. if he brock up w/ me cuz he thinks i am ugly all well i should know. or if i flirt, i am always mad at him, or shandy i should know what it is. i mean if i knew the real reson maybe that would help me be able to move on or work this out better. thats all i wanna know. i mean whats done is done. right. so i should know why it was done.

i fell stupid like the whole world is laghing at me. pointing there finger and saying god look how stupid that girl is. i feel like everyone knows what happend but me and i am clueless. sometimes i think i am going crazy. or maybe i am already there. am i out of touch with reality maybe i just got brought done to it. IDK. in life there is to many "grate unknowns" and i feel i am trapped in them all. i feel like this world has all the control and we really have none. like some person is standing around saying oh lets make this happend and wouldnt it be funny if we did this. i hate the way either way i go i am still trapped in this hell we call life. i feel like i am letting fear rule my life now. like i am afraid to so yes to the people who ask me out cuz that might give them a chance to hurt me. i cant be like that forever. i have to go on. in this world there are no winners just some come out with less scarres then others. really we all lose the game. we all already have lost the game. we just dont know it yet. do we really creat our own destany? if so can i make mine the way i want it? can i deside everything that happends to me? no we have already proven that to be true.

i got to go.

m.wilson

<< 2004-09-12 @ 2:43 p.m.> >>