I am just sitting here. Feeling really lonly. When I start to feel lonly I start to think about the past when I start thinking about the past it make's me sad.

Last night I was talking to Ashley and she really got me to thinking. We talked about old memories and about old boyfriends. We laphed about how stupid we were going out with some of them and how we wish some of them never had to end. We laphed cuz at the same time we said "we will never understaind them boys." Half the time we dont even understaind eachother. She made me think of things that I had completely forgot about. It's funny how you can forget about something but there is always someone somewere who remebers it. Then they tell you about it and you start to remeber it and it makes you laph or cry or fell...well something. Then you feel bad cuz you forgot all about it.

Me and Ashley desided to get on the computer and look at my diaryland (this) and we went to my old entrys.

We read about the time's we were mad at eachother over stupid things we now know dont amount to anything. Things back then that mean the world to me dont mean anything to me now. Some of my old entrys made me laph...Like the one were I was mad at John D. and I said I hated him and then the next entry I liked him again. (I was so stupid for ever seeing anything in that boy) Some of them made me smile... Like when me and Brian first started going out and everying exhited me about us... Of course some had to make me cry... Like the where me and Brian brock up or some really bad things were going on. Right now I am in a really hard part of my life and some of my entry's made me feel good. Some of them brought back old feelings I thought I got rid of for good tho to.

Sometimes just letting yourself remeber isnt always a bad thing. I read about the stupid things I have done and live to regrate and how I thought I was so cool but now know how uncool I really am. I miss the old days. Things were better just a month ago. Its funny how in one day your whole world can come crashing down and you never even see it comeing. You never get up in the moringing and know whats going to happen so you have to take everything slow. I wish I could go back and fix so many things I have done wrong. M/B things would be better now. IDK...They could also be worse tho I will never know cuz I dont have the power to go back. I dont know if that is a gift or a curse. I mean there is alot of things I wish I could go back and live threw again b/c it was grate but there also things I am just glad that or over. So I guess it could be both.

I am going to let you go now.

ISLB

♥ M.Wilson

<< 2004-10-09 @ 12:56 p.m.> >>