drowning
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i think brian looks for ways to hurt me. like he just likes to kick me when i am down.....today he told kaci that i was "so fucking annoying and he would like to pop my head like a pimple." i got really mad first and yelled at him i go "if you have a problem with me tell me not your friends" and he goes "okay but i dont know what i did" and i said what he said. and he just looked at me. then it started to hurt so bad. no matter what i do he still does stuff that makes me wanna die. never will he just stop. he has hurt me enugh. i wish he would stop. he just wont let me be happy. its like he cant staind to see me happy so he has to say something or do something to make want to cry. i fell like i am about to break down and go crazy. all i wanted from his is honisty and love. and he couldnt give me either one. i dont know maybe he thinks i am not good enugh for him and i am starting to think maybe he is right. i hate the way he makes me feel. kinda weird not to long ago i was saying i loved the way he made me feel. god....and no matter what i still dont want him to get hurt. how weird is that. i dont want him to feel the pain that he is putting me threw. i wanna be happy so bad that i can hardly breath. i know i proly can be annoying well so can that little shit. i just wouldnt hang out with him when he was being that way. but...idk. i just sick of it all. i am ready to give up on boys all together. boys suck there out for one thing and one thing only. so fuck you and your stupid lies. i am sick of it all. i am sick of trying for you. i am sick of trying to be perfict cuz i just cant be. i am sick of all the memories running threw my head. i feel like i am watching a movie without the sound. its really starting to annoy me. but it wont quit. i close my eyes to try to keep from seeing the bad parts but it just wont let me. i run from it but it just ketches up. i feel like my brain has run a thousend miles and got no were real fast. so i am drowning in these memories. i am going under reall quick. like sinking sand. the only thing that is keeping my head about it is the hope of one day it will all be over....so please leave me alone let me deal with this my way your not helping your only making things worse. yesterday i was talking about the times i miss him the most and my friend matthew told me this "there are gonna be times when you miss him more like on cold winter days and the cold breaze brushes across your face your gonna miss that worm hand or those arms that held on so tight." you know what....hes right. i keep pitchering us....me waring his jackit and him stilling someone elts because he didnt want me to be cold. he used to be so sweet. i miss it. and wish i didnt. i am so sorry if there is anyone out there i have ever hurt. you didnt deserve it. and i am so sorry if i could take it back i would. i would take it all back. i am so sorry. please forgive me. i got to go. m.wilson |
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Wearing:red silo shirt & blue jeanes Drinking:sweet tea Eating:nothin Thinking:about the past Talking to:Kari Felling:sad Linking:http://holdmeimcute.diaryland.com |
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Play List >>Undistcoverd-Ashlee Simpson >>my best friend-Tim McGraw >>My Immortal-Evensence >>Broken-Amy Lee >>Over & Over-Tim McGraw & Nelly >>fall to pieces-Avril Lavign >>bless the broken road-rascal flatts |
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Bio my full name is Mika-Mae Wilson. but my friends call me Mika-Mae. im a 15 year old living in Durant.I have green eyes and brown hair w/ blond highlights, my friends say I look like my aunt Kandy. |
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Thanks Unique Designs d*land |